Heidi Klum in Julien Macdonald
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. We know you’re a doll. And we know you’re single. But please, keep the girls wrangled. The Oscars is supposed to be a classy event. And while I realise that you’re only attending an Oscars party – and please, please don’t ever try and break into the movie scene – this dress screams desperation.
It says ‘Las Vegas stage costume’.
It says ‘Lindsay Lohan’s trust fund’.
It says ‘lonely 3am texts to Seal’.
And as if her squashy golden melons weren’t enough, we turn our attention to the sheer panelling. I get that illusion panels give the impression of ‘barely holding it together’ skin-show from afar. But up close, it’s just a mess. It gives Heidi side rolls that we all know don’t exist. And more than anything, it just looks cheap.