Saturday, August 11, 2012

Who wears short shorts

Just when you thought we were doing better on the skin-showing stakes, hems getting longer, long-sleeve dresses, high collars and a shift away from the midi top, the showiest of skin-showers is about to get right up Spring’s crack.


I’m talking about short-shorts, but the mother of all short-short – if I’m being literal, these things are glorified knickers. High-waisted, so at least we don’t have to see your back crack as well as admiring your camel-toe.

Now I’m no prude, but I had to shake my head in despair as a friend declared that she had to have some, Yolandi styles*. It’s fair to say this girl is a fucking super model and she could totally pull it off – we’ve all seen her parading around sans pants a-la Gaga – but that doesn’t mean we need to see her snatch. In your late 20s I think you’re past tits and ass a-hangin – there are classier ways to show off your body and style.

So then what is an appropriate age to pull off this look? If I saw my 16-year-old step-daughter wearing them I’d be worried. Thankfully she seems to have more sense than that. I’m guessing the 18-21 year old uni students are going to rock this out, despite my concerns for their warmth and vaginal health.

Worryingly these ‘shorts’ are in stores already. I don’t know about you but I’m still working an extra blanket and the heater at night. I seriously can’t imagine how panty-shorts can be on sale at this point in the year. At the height of summer perhaps (however reluctant I will be to see them, we have to come to terms with the fact that this is going to happen) but not in Wellington’s pseudo Spring.

It’s still winter people! Keep your pins in your pants and your bum cheeks well away from any bar stools I might have to populate.

*Sleeper sensations Die Antwoord’s female bringer of ZEF. I’m told her hairstyle is trending in Melbourne, although I didn’t see any thankfully. We all went through the mini fringe stage in the 90s. It wasn’t good then and it isn’t any better now. Die Antwoord are harbingers of what I can only call the ‘anti-hot’. It’s white trash styling at its best. They do it with vigour, and I love them for it, but I wouldn’t be emulating anything more than their whacked-out sounds.



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