Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Hello sluggy

If I was in Antarctica, I would probably wear a puffa jacket. It looks like you’re wearing a sleeping bag, and as a warm-blooded individual, wearing a sleeping bag in freezing temperatures sounds like a good idea.

But we’re not in Antarctica. We’re in New Zealand. And still I see people slugging around in puffa jackets, when they just look so terrible.

There are so many stylish coats out there. They keep you warm. They cut the wind. They make you look like a regular stylish person, rather than the Michelin man.

I used to enjoy a good old slug around in my sleeping bag. When you have the zip at the bottom you can poke your feet out and hop from cosy possie to kitchen and grab yourself a snack. You can pretend you are a worm and wiggle around on the ground. Sleeping bags are great. For indoors. Whoever decided, ‘hey, we should make this into clothing, so people can be sluggy outside too’ was an idiot.

What value does the puffa jacket have that a regular (and attractive) coat doesn’t have? What does it offer you, other than 20kgs to your frame?

Perhaps I could live with puffa jackets if they were relegated to the world of hip hop artists and Antarctic explorers. But not in my town! Not without an oversized clock on a chain, mouth bling, and sunglasses at night. Oh no you don’t.

What cracks me up the most is the ‘full slug’. A full-length puffa jacket that is essentially a sleeping bag with sleeves and a hood. When I see people going full slug, I have the overwhelming urge to dash across the street and push them over. This would allow me to watch them thrash around on the ground in a futile attempt to upright themselves and reminisce about playing sleeping bag sumo, or some other such casually violent game.

So what. Do you puff? What’s your defence for this fashion crime? Full sluggin explanation is required.

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