Friday, July 22, 2011

haters anonymous: part 2

picture from Life and Style Magazine
I promised a follow up, but I’m going to fail in its mission as I’m yet to think of a male celebrity I love to hate. In a previously unpublished blog I have a good go at Scott Disick, but since then he’s changed his ways and now I quite enjoy his doucheyness. Sure he dresses like a twat, but an immaculately groomed twat at that. He makes the effort, and sometimes that’s all you can ask from a self-loving trust-fund baby. If he goes off the wagon, I might have need for further comment.

But the biggest failure of all was not mentioning the celebutard that irks me the most, the squishy-faced, queen of fug, Renee Zellweger. Why does she insist on making that face in every single photo she’s in? It’s not doing you any favours love – and you could certainly do with a few. She’s seriously diminished in size over the years and is frequently seen out running. I think it’s a bit of a front, because the real exercise has been behind the scenes chasing after any eligible bachelor left in Hollywood. I don’t know what Bradley Cooper was thinking, but thank god he’s come to his senses because his credibility was seriously coming into question there. He was already famous when they started dating, and I wouldn’t think being seen with an out-of-work, scrawny trout pout like her would have upped him in the fame stakes anyway. Maybe he was trying to prove to the world he’s a nice guy by working a charity case before he hooks up with an actress of equal hotness. He can only go up from here.

I think the mouth must be a defining factor in the way I judge people because next to be brought down a peg is Alicia Keys. I think she has some kind of speech impediment and the way she holds her mouth highlights it and makes me almost instantly hate her. Not that I hate people with speech impediments, it’s just her stupid face. But that couldn’t possibly be all? No. No it is not all. I don’t know if this woman has a stylist or is trying to go it on her own, but either way she needs someone else to give her a once over before she enters the public domain. Maybe she doesn’t have mirrors in the house because catching a glimpse of her stupid mouth is too off-putting. She has consistently worn the ugliest clothes I have ever seen on a celebrity. Before singing New York’s praises, how about taking a lesson from the many stylish women that inhabit the city? I don’t think you’ve earned the right to revere it, and if I was New York, I’d be distancing myself from that train wreck. Remember when she first came out and she had the corn rows?? Well that was just the beginning of her comedy of fashion errors. Remember how she used to wear the key on an earring? Stroke of genius that was! Your name is Keys, I know! Let’s hang a key from your ear! If she had half a mind for grammatical correctness she might have thought to put more than one key on there. IDIOT!

Here she is seen playing a keytar shaped like a key. This girl has some imagination! Maybe she’ll call her child “Loch-ann” or “Piano”.

I think that’s all I have today. It’s funny how you forget to hate people, and then someone brings them up and you are suddenly full of rant. I think if I watched more reality tv I would have more males to diss. There’s a potential goldmine on shows like Jersey Shore and I feel like I could have a great hate for someone like Brody Jenner or planet-of-the-apes-face Spencer Pratt, if I had brought myself to watch The Hills, but I have very little tolerance for stupid people becoming famous and I want no part in encouraging their whorey ways.

Just for your enjoyment, here is a link to a super funny and short rant about Spencer Pratt. Not only is the microblog hilarious, but actually watch the video, it possibly will be the most retarded thing you’ll ever see

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