Friday, July 29, 2011

crochet and cable

As winter stock begins it’s journey to the clearance bin, making way for impending spring fashion, savvy shoppers will take this opportunity to snap up a few trend items they wouldn’t normally bother with at full price.

The biggest trend this winter that will easily translate into the cool spring months is chunky cable knit jumpers. Oversized or cropped, they’re a great addition to an outfit that doesn’t make you look like a yeti – as many bulky winter warmers will do. It’s actually nice to see something so classic as a jumper on the shelves, as in previous years such things have been relegated to granny-status. Past ‘winter’ fashions are often based on the outgoing spring looks from the northern hemisphere and to maintain trend factor you had to either cover it up with winter coats or freeze your butt off – as many girls were seen doing on Friday and Saturday nights.

The silly wee things can at least look cool and keep warm by throwing a cable knit over a bodycon dress or leggings. God forbid they put on a jacket!

Fortunately for us, the jumpers were in stores promptly after daylight savings ended. Having had one of the mildest winters on record, New Zealand style hunters can now pick one up for a bargain in the first actually cold week we’ve experienced. The poor retailers obviously can’t predict the weather, and are usually dictated by overseas stockists anyway, so they will be the ones losing out. To that I say mwahaha! and rub my bargain-hunting hands in schadenfreude-ian mirth. Apart from saving yourself from jumping on a potentially short-lived bandwagon, you can actually save yourself money by waiting out the storm of fresh winter stock.

Adding to your upcoming fashion layers, with a hint of impending spring, is the new (albeit slightly rehashed from last year) waistcoat. Hippy chic is back on track for spring, and adding to the already flower-power-happy closet of maxi skirts and gladiator sandals (although I pray we have seen the back of them) are crocheted vests.

Some in linen, some in wool, some with tassels the like of which Rapunzel could compete with (don’t even get me started on them!) – they’re all about to fill the window displays of your favourite fast-fashion store. I’m not 100% sold about them in combination with the free-lovin maxi look, because I think going too far with a certain genre can end up costumey and gimmicky, but I do like the addition to something a bit harder. A mixture of hard rock and flower goddess never went astray. (Leather jackets with tulle dresses anyone?)

As a lover of the body-huggin’ bodycon dress, I’m always looking for something to add to the look that tones down the ‘nakedness’ of such a skin-clingin’ dress. And, unlike a heavy fur vest, crochet is the perfect accomplice because it adds a layer without hiding the glory that your bodycon beholds. It’s the raita to your curry: it adds a subtle taste of modesty without taking the bang out of your hotsauce.

Friday, July 22, 2011

haters anonymous: part 2

picture from Life and Style Magazine
I promised a follow up, but I’m going to fail in its mission as I’m yet to think of a male celebrity I love to hate. In a previously unpublished blog I have a good go at Scott Disick, but since then he’s changed his ways and now I quite enjoy his doucheyness. Sure he dresses like a twat, but an immaculately groomed twat at that. He makes the effort, and sometimes that’s all you can ask from a self-loving trust-fund baby. If he goes off the wagon, I might have need for further comment.

But the biggest failure of all was not mentioning the celebutard that irks me the most, the squishy-faced, queen of fug, Renee Zellweger. Why does she insist on making that face in every single photo she’s in? It’s not doing you any favours love – and you could certainly do with a few. She’s seriously diminished in size over the years and is frequently seen out running. I think it’s a bit of a front, because the real exercise has been behind the scenes chasing after any eligible bachelor left in Hollywood. I don’t know what Bradley Cooper was thinking, but thank god he’s come to his senses because his credibility was seriously coming into question there. He was already famous when they started dating, and I wouldn’t think being seen with an out-of-work, scrawny trout pout like her would have upped him in the fame stakes anyway. Maybe he was trying to prove to the world he’s a nice guy by working a charity case before he hooks up with an actress of equal hotness. He can only go up from here.

I think the mouth must be a defining factor in the way I judge people because next to be brought down a peg is Alicia Keys. I think she has some kind of speech impediment and the way she holds her mouth highlights it and makes me almost instantly hate her. Not that I hate people with speech impediments, it’s just her stupid face. But that couldn’t possibly be all? No. No it is not all. I don’t know if this woman has a stylist or is trying to go it on her own, but either way she needs someone else to give her a once over before she enters the public domain. Maybe she doesn’t have mirrors in the house because catching a glimpse of her stupid mouth is too off-putting. She has consistently worn the ugliest clothes I have ever seen on a celebrity. Before singing New York’s praises, how about taking a lesson from the many stylish women that inhabit the city? I don’t think you’ve earned the right to revere it, and if I was New York, I’d be distancing myself from that train wreck. Remember when she first came out and she had the corn rows?? Well that was just the beginning of her comedy of fashion errors. Remember how she used to wear the key on an earring? Stroke of genius that was! Your name is Keys, I know! Let’s hang a key from your ear! If she had half a mind for grammatical correctness she might have thought to put more than one key on there. IDIOT!

Here she is seen playing a keytar shaped like a key. This girl has some imagination! Maybe she’ll call her child “Loch-ann” or “Piano”.

I think that’s all I have today. It’s funny how you forget to hate people, and then someone brings them up and you are suddenly full of rant. I think if I watched more reality tv I would have more males to diss. There’s a potential goldmine on shows like Jersey Shore and I feel like I could have a great hate for someone like Brody Jenner or planet-of-the-apes-face Spencer Pratt, if I had brought myself to watch The Hills, but I have very little tolerance for stupid people becoming famous and I want no part in encouraging their whorey ways.

Just for your enjoyment, here is a link to a super funny and short rant about Spencer Pratt. Not only is the microblog hilarious, but actually watch the video, it possibly will be the most retarded thing you’ll ever see

Monday, July 18, 2011

re-embracing red

not hot?
Since I was “old enough” (probably about 11) until this year I have been changing my hair colour from what unknowing elders have called “beautiful”, hairdressers have described as “a colour people pay to have”, and the rest of the imbecile public have called ginger. The hairdressers are right in more ways than they realise. People do pay good money to have the perfect shade of red, but most red heads would have paid for it their whole lives by being picked on and discriminated against.

I’m dead serious. Hearing people use the words “ginga” and “ranga” gives me so much rage I cannot even begin to express the depth of it. As far as I’m concerned it’s as bad as using the N word. I won’t even say that word in my openly expressive blog, but people blurt out ginga like it’s nobodies business.

Yes! I am likening the oppression and hurt that red heads receive to that of racism. I’ll liken it to sexism against homosexuals if you want. It’s the same thing. I’ve said this before, much to people’s outrage, and I’ve always received a response like “you can’t compare racism to people calling you names for your hair colour!”. Um, yes, I freakin well can. Judging and attacking someone based on the colour of their skin is EXACTLY the same as judging and attacking someone for the colour of their hair. And it’s not like “blondes are dumb” type stuff. Blondes will go through their childhood without ridicule or segregation, without finger pointing and name calling, and by and large being considered beautiful. Red heads are tormented as children and hailed by their peers as unattractive. They say red heads are ragey, well I say they’ve got a fucking good reason to have Fucking RAGE. In the early and highly influential stages of their lives, they are told they are lesser than everyone else. And, no less, that it’s a joke that’s totally acceptable to express despite its blatant racist undertones. Hairism, if you will.

You get to a certain age and that BS stops, but it doesn’t stop anyone from saying “ginga” as an insult and not realising it could be highly offensive to the person standing next to them. Just today, a colleague in her (wild guess) late 50s was having a conversation with another colleague behind me. She showed him a picture of her baby nephew and the other colleague questioned “does he have a reddy tinge or is it just the light?” and she responded, so naturally, with “gawd I hope it’s just the light”. Like a reddy tinge on this poor child’s head would be the bane of its existence. (It might be with an aunty like that!) And I thought she was such a dear!

red hot hot mess
I had been dying my hair blonde for so long that most people I now know genuinely thought that was my hair colour. Perhaps I got away with it because I am not a red head who is overly freckle-clad? About two years ago I suddenly decided to dye it red. But bright red. The kind of red you could never mistake as natural. And people still thought I was blonde, just trying something different. Recently my hairdresser put me on to a colour that was super close to my natural colour, but brilliantly vibrant, and then, when the vibrancy wore off and the colour faded into what I could only assume was my natural colour (having not seen it for 15 years) and I couldn’t afford to get it re-done, I realised that I could totally live with what I had going on there.

It actually is a beautiful shade of red. I had been conditioned into thinking it was ugly for so long that I had never given it a chance as an adult. Sure, I’m still likely to enhance it now and then when I’m feeling a bit drab, but these days I’m likely to go for a colour very close to what I’ve got, just with a bit of extra depth. Or a highlight here and there. People would pay for this colour. And mixed with porcelain skin and big green eyes, I have finally accepted that I’ve got a good thing going on. Not every one agrees, but there are people out there who consider red heads beautiful. I’ve always envied other red heads for their wearing it with gusto while I hid behind bleach, and now I like it on myself. It’s just taken 26 years to get there.

Monday, July 4, 2011

colour me claret

Every winter there is an 'it' colour that every second item is designed in. Last year it was a beautiful grapey purple (and just about every other shade of purple) much to my delight. It reinvigorated my love of purple which, on becoming a grungy, surly teen, I decided was drastically uncool. I have since realised that liking purple was probably not the defining influence on my social life or surliness.

This season the shops are filled with wonderful claret reds and terracotta orange. It’s a perfectly warming combination for a cold winter. Earthy tones suit a lot of people but many stay away from focus-grabbing reds because of simple fear. Maybe you do need to wear them with confidence or risk being background noise to the roaring fire that embodies this colour, but I believe the same thing goes for wearing anything slightly out of the ordinary.

The great thing about this winter’s colours is that they are not in-your-face bright reds, but warming cuddly embraces of the earth and fire. They are the chic lounging hipsters to their loud-mouth cool red counterparts and I think you will quite enjoy their company if you give them a moment to digest.