Wednesday, June 2, 2010

sock it to me baby

There’re a few items on the agenda today. There are people walking the street over- and under-doing it on the hosiery front. How so? You might ask. Well let me tell you, there seems to be a misunderstanding about the use of stockings and socks with certain footwear. In this case it’s the inappropriate appearance of such things where they just have no right being. On the other hand, who are these people walking around in skirts and flats with no stockings... in winter. I saw a jandal the other day! A JANDAL! In June! This is unacceptable people. It’s cold out there, this is how people get sick!

So let’s look at these offenders one by one.

A and very fashionable informant dropped in on Angeli and me to ask about some strange phenomena she’d come across on the street. Firstly, knee-high stockings above the boot perimeter. NO! I replied instantly. Sock Fail! Your knee-highs (be them socks or stockings) should not poke out of your boot top by any means or form. If you need some extra length due to rubbing or coldness; wear stockings! It’s that simple. Are your knees that much colder than your lower thigh? Are your boots rubbing? They’re probably too small for your chubby legs, because they’re not made to fit that way. GOSH!

What concerned me was that my colleague had doubted her substantial fashion prowess because she’d seen this atrocity more than once. *sigh*

The second issue she brought up was a combination of leggings, socks/stockings and flats. Now we’re not talking about flats, like Keds or Vans (or those Warehouse rip-off that are about 90% cheaper). To wear a sock in a “sneaker” (if you will) (although I’d hate to invoke images of a sport-shoe being worn with leggings outside of an exercise application) with leggings is acceptable. Sure, they should be dark and not surpass the ankle, causing unfortunate sock lines or bunching on the calves, but it can be done. It’s cold and you want to keep your legs warm, we understand. But if you’re so dedicated to your ballet flats that you insist on wearing them into winter, you’d better be ready to face long months of coldness in the sock gap because ballet flat, sock and legging do not make a fashion statement anyone who knows anything (or has eyes in general) will endorse.

Flats with socks can make a cool statement. I’ve been known to do it in the calf-sock-skatey style, which my old boss at the bar I worked at told me I had to stop doing. Or if it’s the high-fashion stakes (or harajuku look) you’re going for, knee highs. But NOT under leggings! Or over your boots!

Some poor misguided soul had the audacity to put “trend alert” labels next to some of these awful awful sock wrongings. No!

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