Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Over exposure: bra-wear gone bad

Dear ladies who wear bras under their strapless tops,

The next one of you I see making this heinous offence, I am going to snap your bra strap so hard, that even if you finally come to the realisation that it’s a crime, your straps would be forever imprinted on your fashion-faux-pas-laden backs.

Love, the haze.

But seriously. Do the young ladies of today not look in the mirror before they leave the house? Too many times I’ve seen hideous bra straps poking out of boob tubes, strapless dresses, one-shoulder dresses (!) and spaghetti-strap dresses. And not just those “invisible” ones (because clear plastic is impervious to light reflection…), but full-on nana bras that you wouldn’t wear infront of your long-term boyfriend, let alone a potential at the pub.

So why are they doing it? There is a myriad of wonderous inventions for holding in the boobage these days. Strapless, for a start. This is pretty basic stuff people. Strapless top = strapless bra. Even the trannys manage to that one right! And you’re falling pretty far behind if a man in hot pink satin is outdoing you in the fashion stakes.

Depending on your size, and the robustness of your outfit, you can probably get away with free range. Especially with the bodice-type dresses these days. Sometimes this is a better option than even a strapless, because pumping up your cleavage in a heart-shaped top can flex the material outwards, in which case anyone slightly taller than your breasts can see down your top anyway. It can also create a bit of “side boob” by the armpit if you’re more endowed and that’s no good either!

There’s fashion tape. There’s those gel dealies, which I haven’t personally tried, but they look like chicken breasts and are very cold at first touch. There’s the good-ol’ bandeau for boobtubes (and adding a bit of tape over the nipple can fix you up on a cold day, FYI). There’s so many options I can’t imagine why I am still subjected to the ugliness of poke-through bras. But there you go. The downfall of a fashionable society in exchange for the upkeep of a few boobs.

1 comment:

  1. Promise this is my last comment ...but I heard a rumour that SJP from SATC has a section in her contract which stated she would never be filmed sans bra. Perhaps explains the trend that was so common of straps showing?