Tuesday, October 20, 2009


If you are what you eat, Lindsay Lohan eats too many oranges. Tan-gerines even, if you want to get punny. As the face of her own fake tan brand, she’s like the antithesis of advertising. Off-put-ising I would like to term it.
The fake tan is something I’ve never embraced. Ok, a couple of times I might have indulged in a little moisturiser with added tan – summer skin in a bottle – but only on my legs! My face gets what it’s given. Thankfully, as a fair-skinned and red-headed person, that doesn’t mean freckle-mania. Somehow I managed to dodge that bullet, despite having the odds against me, and I don’t feel I need to bronze my face to hide the few that are there. I certainly don’t sit out face to the sun without a hat and sunscreen, for fear of the freckle development, but that doesn’t mean resorting to faking it. But I digress.

I love sun-kissed legs in summer, but I’ve yet to graduate from the good old sit-out-in-the-sun method. Every fake tan I have tried makes me look instantly orange. And then it ends. What if I’m wearing a bikini and suddenly orange turns to white when it reaches my tummy?

I hear you out there screaming, “spray tan Hazel!”, “sun beds!”, but it’s not for me. I hear sun beds are pretty bad for you, and I fear that if tan in a bottle can’t get it right, how do I know that a spray tan is going to be any better. (I have overriding visions of that Friends episode where Ross gets a spray tan…) Do they have a shade called “just a bit darker than your usual pasty self”? Because that’s what I need.

Fake tan seems to be suitable for the people who are already naturally inclined to get a bit darker in summer (but are clearly too lazy to put in the hard yards in a deck chair). Otherwise what you end up with is a hue that’s so different to your normal skin tone it’s blatantly unnatural.
It’s another one of those “if you’re gonna do it do it right” situations. And I guess my point here is: would you buy a fake tan endorsed by a person who looks like this?

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